-Above, Mark Wahlberg waters the bushes with his urine.

-Halle Berry and Sharon Stone have paid $50k each for tickets to the inauguration. P. Diddy thinks he should get four free tickets and is acting like he always does. How is that? “Like it’s a party at Bungalow 8.”

-Charles Barkley knows how to give an excuse for breaking the law. When pulled over for speeding and booked for a DUI, Barkely told the officer he was in a hurry to get a blowjob. Nice. 

-Dumbest lawsuit ever. The guy who wrote the Rice-A-Roni jingle bought and copyrighted Hilter’s globe, and is now suing Tom Cruise and his new flick Valkyrie over using a ”likeness” of it. Seriously though, it looks like every other globe and is far less evil than you would imagine with no signs pointing out where Jews are hidden/waiting to be shot/buried.

-Britney Spear’s brother, Bryan, married Jamie Lynn’s manager. Even though it technically isn’t, it still seems sort of incestuous.

-Damn! Plastic faced Jim Carey has been dating former Playboy bunny Jenny Mccarthy since 2005. The couple says they have no plans to marry so Jim has given her $50 million dollars to make sure sh is set for life.

 -Prince didn’t vote against Prop 8, like the New Yorker implied. He didn’t vote at all and never does because he is a Jehovah’s witness. Plus…he has gay friends!

-Please no.Paris Hilton and George Clooney were seen flirting with each other.

-And finally: Heidi Montag thinks 2009 is going to be the “Best year ever,” and this makes headlines, thus confirming everyone’s suspicions that 2009 is going to suck. Happy New Year, bitches.